I'm in love with another. I tried things out for a while with you but I finally came to the conclusion that I could no longer keep up the charade. Goodbye old alarm clock (I shall name you Emerson). I admit that I was dazzled by your unique blue display but after even one night I knew it was too bright for my weary eyes. I know you wanted to keep me company but it should have been a sign when, having put you on the window ledge next to my bed, I turned you around so you were facing the window. I'm sure you thought I was relying on you as a bodyguard, warning off all my possible psychotic stalkers, of which there are none, that it was much too late to be stalking and they should really catch up on their sleep if they wanted to keep up that pathetic obsessive behavior. Really, Emerson? Denial much. You must have seen the clues. The fact that even when you were at your dimmest (which I assume your settings go from bright and brighter to bright as all f*ck rather than the low, medium, and high you display) I still turned you to medium then low then high and then back to low to see if there really was a difference and the switch wasn't just stuck. It was never stuck. You knew it. I knew it. We never talked about it. Hey, you can't change who you are and what sort of person would I be if I asked you to change? Not a very good one.
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| Emerson |
I'm sorry Emerson. I found another alarm clock. I could lie and say it just happened. It was just chance that I wandered into the alarm clock aisle at Target. I was looking for a new lamp and took a wrong turn (please don't tell Trish, my tree lamp. I'm not looking to replace her, just an addition. You know how sensitive she gets). No, Emerson, I think we both know I made the decision to look a long time ago. You've been acting out for some time. I set your two alarms for 7am and 7:20am but they beep at me five minutes after I set them around 9pm. Sometimes 25 minutes. Why? I hit the snooze, I turn them off and then on, still you beep at me in an annoying tone, demanding that I turn you off altogether. I knew that you were unhappy then, when I started unplugging you and resetting you. It hurt you, but what could I do. I didn't really turn you on any more, not in the right way, and you never got me up (yes, I am a girl but it's still funny, damn it), at least in time for anything. You'd beep and beep late at night when I should be sleeping and then refuse to beep at 7am when I desperately need to be woken up. I finally decided you weren't for me, not even as a back up for my three phone alarms. We both know, Emerson, that I'm better at remembering to set an alarm like you than making sure the volume on my phone will allow its alarms to alert me. You wouldn't even compromise.
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| Cedric |
I guess it must have really hurt you, me turning you away. Never wanting to look you in the face and being even less interested in your back. I pushed you away and so you acted out for attention. I get it. Now you get this, it's over. I'm sure you'll find someone at the thrift store I'm taking you to. Maybe someone will be charmed again by your blue display. Maybe they'll consider you a night light rather than an attention whore. I don't know but it's time to realize we're going our separate ways. I won't brag to you about Cedric, my "Colorations Electric Digital Alarm Clock" (Cedric sounded better than CEDAC). He only has one alarm if it makes you feel any better but I'm willing to look past it for his other traits such as his gentle yet distinct display of the time AND the date (whoops, sorry, I forgot you could only display the time). I suppose I'm shallow for being impressed by his many optional color displays (red, blue, violet, purple, yellow, aqua, and, yes, my favorite color, green). Did I mention that he will even allow me to turn off his backlight altogether while still keep vigilant track of the time? He is simpler, has fewer buttons, and alerts me only with an adorable ascending alarm tone not a blaring radio with a bad signal. I understand him a little more I think. Perhaps you were too advanced for my needs. He gets me. I get him. That's really all that matters. We'll have our issues I'm sure. I might even move on from him eventually but for now he suits my needs and we're comfortable with each other. There really just is no comparison.
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| No contest |
Farewell dear Emerson. May your future shine brightly in a direction far far away from me. <3
I wish you the best,
-Amanda
Note (for psycho stalkers only) - If you are a psychotic stalker (of me or another) know this, there is something incredibly wrong with you. It's not flattering, funny or cute. It's creepy and I won't hesitate to call the cops on you if I find you out. This includes stalking on the internet. Get outside, make some friends, and stay far away from your terrified obsessions. And don't try the stupid vampire romance card, it's even creepier and more pathetic. We are not food nor eye candy. We will never date you or long for you, we will throw things at you and call the authorities in between bouts of unflattering vomiting. Thank you for your time and consideration in reading this message, now go the f*ck away.
Note (for every one else) - You'll notice that Emerson and Cedric are male names and Trish is female. I never discriminate between sexes when it comes to naming inanimate objects (and before a few of you jokers start, no, I do not actually have in any form a sexual relationship with any inanimate objects. That's what she said. *high five*).
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